Eastern Conference Finals Preview!

Welcome to an Eastern Conference Finals edition of NBA Narratives!  There’s still a little bit of NBA DFS action going out there, and kudos to Draftkings and Fanduel for running large GPPs for most of the playoffs.  I haven’t been playing much as MLB is in full swing and MLB DFS pays the bills, but now that we’re down to 4 teams left, it’s time to turn our attention back to the NBA.  As the Celtics get ready to welcome the Cavs to the TD Garden for game 1, let’s take a stroll down narrative street to get everyone ready for the series!


Frozen Envelope Narrative:


Tonight, May 16th, the NBA Lottery will occur.  Boston, despite being the 1 seed in the East, has a 25% chance (best in the league) of acquiring the #1 overall pick.  Worst case scenario for them is probably picking 4th.  In a pretty loaded draft, that’s a great asset to have!  Boston fans will be glued to the draw tonight, ready to cry foul if they don’t end up with the #1 pick.  If the odds are defied and a team other than the Celtics are called for the #1 spot, maybe Boston is deflated a bit for game 1?  Maybe the fans?  Or, maybe they get the #1 pick and everything is coming up Millhouse and they come in on Wednesday night fired up.


Rust Narrative:

Wednesday, the Cleveland Cavaliers will take the floor for their first game in 10 days. It’s certainly possible that the Cavs, who have been practicing and working out quite a bit according to R Jeff’s snapchat, come out with a little bit of rust in game 1.  Riding the high of a home court Game 7 victory, and a possible NBA Draft #1 pick being won, Boston could be in a prime spot to come out and put it on the Cavs in game 1.  I don’t think it would shock anyone to see the Celtics play the 1st half as a well-oiled machine while Cleveland tries to find its Rhythm. The Cavs (including LeBron) have been lights out from the perimeter in the playoffs, I could see them needing a game to get back into rhythm of game-speed.

Rest Narrative:


Throughout the year, many idiots on television and radio criticized the Cleveland Cavs for resting their star players a handful of games throughout the season. While I certainly understand the argument (fans paying to see stars etc.), the merit of the Cavs resting players will be decided by their results in the playoffs.  The Cavs organization has decided that rest is a good thing. And because of that, they have to be happy with the Cavs getting 10 days off between rounds 2 and 3.  As you know, Cleveland swept both the Pacers and the Raptors in rounds 1 and 2 respectively.  That means that since April 13th (day after the end of the regular season), the Cavs have played a grand total of 8 games in 34 days.  If they do truly believe that rest helps their chances at repeating, they couldn’t be happier with the playoffs so far.

Home Court Narrative:

Boston holds home court in this series as they finished with a better regular season record than the Cavs, despite the Cavs going 3-1 vs. the Celtics this season. A 4 game losing streak to close out the season, including an 82nd game where EVERYONE rested, gave the Celtics the conference title.  Should the game come down to a 7th game, it will be in Boston.

Lunch Lady Goon Narrative:

Fuck Kelly Olynyk.


Sasquatch lunch-lady looking dirty motherfucker.  Fuck you.


My Prediction:

Pain. For Boston fans at least.

Cavs in 5.  Boston probably has enough talent to steal a game.  In fact, Game 1 is probably the game I would pick them to win if I had to choose 1, for reasons stated above.  But they do not have the talent to beat a healthy, rested Cleveland Cavs squad in a 7 game series, unless something crazy happens. Tristan Thompson should abuse the Boston bigs on the offensive glass, and is capable of playing excellent defense not only on Al Horford but defending the PnR.  Kevin Love should dominate offensively in the paint.  Earl and Shump should be able to play good enough defense to slow down Avery Bradley and also give Kyrie help on IT2.  And whoever IT2 should guard should feast. And in case you’ve forgotten, the best player alive is now also hitting 46.8% of his 3 point attempts throughout the playoffs so far.

I think Boston gives the Cavs some scares, but Cleveland closes it out in 5, and Bill Simmons and the rest of the entitled Boston fans bitch and moan and continue to wait for LeBron to get old.




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